Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Of love, romance, weddings and break ups - Part III : Quality and equality!

Somebody once told me that while loving people hide all their bad habits and pretend to be the best person in the whole world, but after marriage (the great love marriage) all those suppressed bad things come out and cause problems. This is very true. If the love is true, then you love the person with all his/her weaknesses (except the criminal weaknesses) and help them change in a constructive way if you can really help or else don't fall in this eternal loop of love at all! Quality definitely matters in love. Quality doesn't mean how flattering your lover is, or how many chocolates or red roses he has offered you. Or how hot the girl whom you like is. Quality means the extend to which the person is understanding, kind, caring and most importantly pure at heart. If a person has a pure heart they don't have to pretend to be anything they are not to be loved by someone.

       One word to all the girls who are madly in love with somebody. Please don't run away/marry or even be in love with the guy if you are a "goddess" and the guy a "human". Remember only gods truly love goddesses. When  I say "goddess" I mean a girl who is in some way better than a guy. Be it beauty or education or monetary status. Because given the patriarchal society (which an utter crap), the guy's ego is always blown up unnecessarily. Consider a girl marrying a guy who is highly educated compared to her. The girl sits at home and cooks for the guy. Nobody complaints and everybody is happy (or at least seems to be happy). Now imagine the same situation but with roles reversed. Will the lesser educated guy sit at home and cook and wash when the better educated you go for a highly paid job? No. Even if this impossibility happens, the society around the guy will blow up his ego and tell him stories about the girl and may even make up stories about her having an affair with a colleague of hers!! Do all these happen when the girl sits at home? No. The solutions to this are to demand a complete reform of the way society functions, and to work towards it, or to love and marry someone who is equally qualified (well we can't do anything about the scenarios where the girl and the guy are equally qualified and the girl gets more opportunities than the guy). If you can't find a fellow who is equally qualified, make sure that the guy is brilliant in something and knows what he wants in his life. Else it will create a lot of problems.

           Equal qualification can be education. Basically do not run away with an 8th grade pass if you are a post graduate (in fact I have seen many teenage girls being infatuated by rouge guys and eloping and ruining the rest of their lives). So girls please, if you feel that you are falling in love with a guy or that some guy is wooing you so hard that you feel that you are losing control of yourself and your future and are about to "fall" (literally fall) for him, stop and think a moment.
Think about yourself and what you want from your life. Do you have dreams and aspirations in your life? Then keep your eyes open to realities. Will this guy who is trying so hard to impress you support every single decision you take in your life after you two start living together? Or will he just say no to all those things about you which had actually impressed him so he started adoring you and trying to win your heart. Will he stay the same? Will he be true to himself and to you? Or will he be a tyrant who will just take away you from yourself and won't let you be what you are ever again? Or will he be a person who understands what you want from your life. Will he be the type of person who will work hard to achieve a goal in life? Will he be the one whom you can be proud of till the end of your life, or only till your marriage? Because immaturity never holds a marriage together.

         Again the matter of goddesses and humans is logical too. Unless the guy who actually adores the "goddess" is hard working and wants to go way ahead in life, there will always be that stark difference between the two. In the beginning this act of extreme adoration may be pleasing to you. But beware of the devil. We can't tell when the male ego will turn ugly. So it is better to analyse the guy first and then commit (otherwise it will be equivalent to committing suicide) to any relationship with him. Else it will be an utter waste of time and energy. If the guy is really a nice man then it is ok. (Again that is a probabilistic impossibility, so...) And that too only ok. The situation is ridiculous because the guy wasted his time wooing the girl and then doesn't have any idea about his life other than some stupid candy floss romance stuff, and enters a married life and declares himself as "the husband"! "The husband" attitude never works well. Infact the "macho man" attitude never works at all beyond the context of candy floss romance (where you pretend to be the protector/saviour/care taker of the girl whom you love; and how do you take care of her, by presenting her with red roses or chocolates or shower her with greeting cards and teddy bears; that doesn't work in married life at all). A man who really loves a woman will never try to chain her out of ego or possessiveness. Nor will he harbour any feeling of inferiority complex when he sees her. But it needs a really liberal mind (which I don't think most guys have, we can't blame them completely too, they are all cast in the same mold :( ) or striving mentality (the mentality that one should achieve something memorable in life) by a guy to even try to be that understanding.

       If you plunge yourself into a love marriage without any idea of the real life it may actually end up bitterly. Many things which  you have tried out and which worked in your love life will not work in the married life. Like when you were lovers you tried to get the guy/girl by making him jealous by flirting with someone else. If you think that all these teen/tween stuff is still going to work, sorry you can walk out of the relation. Trust and understanding are more important than I'll make my husband/wife come back to me by making him/her jealous. If anyone has done any mistake, be it the guy or the girl, accepting it (shunning your ego) and trying to mend it is far better than any silly stuff you have tried and have succeeded in achieving "results" with, in your love life.

      Every relation needs adjustments. If women can adjust men can adjust too. And there is nothing wrong with trying your best to adjust (unless the situation is too bad to adjust or tolerate) if you really really love your husband/wife whom once you loved so much that you decided to love together. Then walking away from a relation without even trying is like buying a high end mobile phone just because the OS of your high end phone crashed and you don't even bother to take it to a service shop where it will actually be made usable again!  Relations are not high end mobiles (well may they are like, because you can't buy another one if you can't to get another one) that you can get a substitute as and when you please. Nobody should give up without trying earnestly. Be that about maintaining a relationship (well relationships can be utterly illogical and unlike career struggles in that despite all the earnest trials they break) or be it about building up a career of your choice. People try hard "to get that person" as their partner before the love marriage, then why can't  they try "to be with that person" after this love marriage? There was love. Wasn't there? Or was it just smoke and no fire?

No comments:

Post a Comment