Deterministic in chaos!

Suman, forgive me for the tiltle for it slightly offends ur determinist's paradox. :) Or does it agree with it? I'm not sure.

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So, here goes the story. I'm in Mumbai these days, in TIFR, and staying at Wadala.I'm cutting many things short, to write this faster. So there are two bus survices which come to Wadala to pick up TIFR students staying there. My mom had made me promise her that I'll always catch the bus, and never ever try going to TIFR by train. :) But today; mom I'm sorry, I had to break it. Hmmm..
I had rushed out of my flat to ther lift today morning to catch the bus. And at the bus stop, I realised that I had forgotten my mobile pouch ( though I had my mob in the bag). This pouch contains many things and I always carry it with me. And I need an id proof to get into TIFR, so my call letter was also in it! I decided to go back and my roommates tried to stop me. But I was determined! (Like Suman's determinist who will change the future. :) )

I said to them; "If I'm late, I'll stay back in the flat". I ran back, and after pressing several times on the lift, it came down, I got in, and a man also got in. I ( I didn't know where he had to get down, so I simply), pressed 12 which is my floor number and as soon as I got down there, I understood that the man had to get down at 9. I opened the door, rushed in and found the pouch on my bed and, hurried up, and closed the door. Then! The lift was going down! of course to 9. I pressed the button many times and waited. But it was going down and down! So I decided to take the stairs which wind anticlockwise, and I almost felt giddy. At 4, my instinct told me that the lift might be there now, so I went there and it was there! Full of 7(?) men. Whom I saw was a boy I knew is in TIFR. I felt a bit relieved! Atleast I'd have a company!

When we finally got down, I ran after him and asked him how he was going? At the junction we found out that the bus had come, so we walked to the local railway station. I asked his name. Umesh. I thought that's what I heard. He being tall was walking fast and I had some difficulty catching up with him. I had run, took the stairs and all and was feeling out of breath. I wanted to drink some water, but didn't stop. I asked him to walk slowly and finally, we reached the station.

Ha! there was a long queue! He suggested me to go to a ladies que, but no such thing was there. : )I first stood in a que which was shorter, and then found an empty counter next to it, and enquired there, but it is some season ticket counter. My friend told me not to leave the que, and asked me to buy two tickets to VT. I bought two, thank God! that que was cleared fast, and we stepped on to the 1st platform. A man directed us to the 4th platform and we crossed the crowded overbridge, and got there. A train came and we asked a person whether it went o VT. He nodded yes and finally, we tried to get in.
What a crowd it was, I was being pushed into the train, no effort from my part as such wasn't necessary! :) The compartment was full of men! (My friend had suggested me to go to the ladies comp. but, I being new to the Mumbai metro, decided to stick to him. :) ) I looked over my shoulder to see whether he had got in! Yes he too was in. :) And I squeezed in through the crowd to the nearest seats. I was happy I got some space to stand freely btw the seats. Then! ( I was actually surprised) A man got up and told me to sit. :) Without wishing for a seat, I got one! :) ( It seems, no I'm sure, I was the only female in that compartment. :)) Suddenly it occured to me that my friend was standing with his back on his back. I offered him to hold it, but he refused. I gave my offer again, and he gave his bag to hold. It was really heavy (earlier while walking to the station, his writing pad had fallen down,which I took and gave him; he had offered to hold my jacket cover, while I was in the que, and again he had asked me to hold his water bottle for a while on the platform, before opening his bag to put it in). The crowd was dwindling slowly. I asked the man sitting nearby when VT would come. Finally VT came, and I got up, my friend told me to wait till the train stopped. We got down, crossed the small track nearby and all of a sudden I was out of VT station!

We searched for the Navy Nagar bus stop, and enquired two girls, they directed us, and we went and waited at the stop. A navy Nagar bus came after a Colaba bus, and as soon as we saw the bus, we rushed into the bus. :) The conductor said something; I thought he was asking me to get in through the front door. I got in through the front door, my friend was going to get in, (the driver was also saying something, and there was a traffic policeman inside) and I was asked to get out and stand in the queue. I had seen people sitting on poles at the bus stop, and wondered it was. Then I understood that it was a que! We stood in the que (luckily it there was no crowd), got in, and I found a seat, and sat, took the ticket and tried to open the window, the mechanism being new to me, I wanted to figure it out, which I did, but had no strength to push it further up. A man in front of me helped to 'hang' (its like that:) ) the latch.

But the bus was moving a bit slow (the most surprising thing is that I didn't feel tensed at all) and I had a class at 9.30. It was already past 9.30, and I was hoping to get to class before 10. (My friend is in 1st year high energy and he had phoned his friend and confirmed that he had no classes.) Finally, the terminus came, and we got down, started walking furiously, my friend told me the reason why he was late; he had woken up at 7.15, slept again thinking its only 7.15, and woke up only at 8.15 again. :) I told him my story, and rushed, showed the call letter at the entrance, and we finally said bye and I ran to AG66, where my class was going on.

I sat in the last row, many people (except my classmates who were in the front row) turned and looked at me. And at the end of the class, we got our corrected assignments. My classmates were really surprised to see me. Moon Moon was standing to my left, she just looked at me (trivially) and turned again to look at me. :) Neha was happy to see me and said;"Ah! you have come", and asked me how I had come. Mathi who obviously thought I was in hostel collected one of the 2 assignments (for I had already collected one myself) from Ma'am, and was almost shocked to find that I was there. Meghna who hadn't noticed me , also looked surprised.

We came out, and went for a tea, and came to the lab, were I secured a computer and started writing this blog. :)

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PS: That's my today's story. Today is the new year according to Malayalam calander. There's a general belief (though I don't believe it) that ur year will be like the first day of the year. :) But,nobody will want to miss the bus everyday, though it has provided a different experience. :)

The thing which I don't understand is, it all seemed to me like a dream. Everything was occuring as if connected (well connections make events, I think), or was it because I was determined? And the most important thing is, how I associated myself to a companion (lets call it symbiosis). I think it is the inherent nature of every living thing to associate with something, which will be helpful for it. :)

PSS: He actually told me (after hearing my reason for being late) that I could have asked my friends to stop the bus till I returned, even he could have caught the bus then!

Flower

A flower had bloomed.
Bright and elegant it stood.
Playing in the hands of the wind.
It gave off its scent, it was very happy.
The time went by, and;
Like the poet had said, it died.
Fell it down from the plant, no scent no colour.
It was my love........

A WEDDING STORY

Today I attended the wedding of my old friend. She used to be my room mate in BSc first year. Its a happy thing that she got married. :) Now the wedding was really good. But I couldn't find any of our old friends at the wedding. I went with my dad. And thank God! The auditorium is bulilt like a theatre, so I could see the wedding clearly.

Now lets come to the story. The auditorium is nearby a very famous Devi temple. My dad went to the temple after dropping me at the wedding place.I went to meet the bride and gave the gift I had taken for her. Then I went and found a seat for me.Dad returned soon before the wedding started (or I think so, for I had found a seat on the end of a row, towards the middle and sat there, with other women who came later). The wedding ceremony took as per protocol. No sooner had the couple alighted from the 'mandap', than almost all the viewers started leaving the hall. I was wonderstruck and waited for sometime. Guess where they all were going? Of course for the wedding feast!

After sometim, I too left the hall and phoned dad. Luckily he found me and we stood waiting. The first set of people were all in, eating. So we wwaited and then, dad told me to go and wait in a place where there were more women.So I went to the main door of the mess hall, to be at the front of a line which was slowly being formed behind me. :)

The entrance at which I was standing was a large one with a shutter for its door. All the people in the first set came out together after finishing their feast, and I being at the front got inside, along with two small girls and their mother. I found a seat and sat there, but changed it soon, 'coz the floor was a bit slippery. I could see dad from my seat, through the window, and signalled him to come in. But he didn't come in. I was wondering what the matter was, when I noticed that the shutter had been closed!

Six people including me, those girls and hteir mim n two other boys had tunnelled into the mess hall! The mess hall was closed to clean up the remains and lay new leaves and all. Hmm now, the only way was to wait and watch. So I sat there, though I was feeling a little bit guilty for the smartness with which I had tunnelled inside, with so many people waitng outside the hall! I watchedd the way the leaves were laid and the curries were served. It was like the coming of two signals. :) One person will come and serve one curry and the other will come after him, they will scan one row and then the next row. A serial process. :) At last, after almost 20 minutes, the shutter was opened. Then I felt relieved for having tunnelled. :) There was a sudden rush and all was sudden! :) Usually finding a seat for a wedding feast is a very 'exciting' (both practically abd literally) process. But today I was lucky infact! :) The rest is history.The 'palada paayasam' was extremely good. :) ummm... :)

Before leaving,I went and met the newly wed and took a photo with them. Bidding good bye, I went to dad and we together went to the bus stop in front of the temple and got a direct KSRTC bus. And we started back for the activities of the rest of the day.

PS: The bus route is actually lovely. It's so 'coz, my dear school were I had the second phase of my dreams and aspirations is on the way. I could see my favourite 10A class and my last bench seat from the bus, (its in the main bulding which faces the road). Nine years back I was there, my friends were there;but now, only those memories remain.

DRENCHED!

Its after a long time that I'm enjoying rain. The pond on the way to uty hostel is overflowing. It is such a great pleasure to watch it, for it was dried upto its bottom in summer. Now it overflows through a small channel on the road, to the nearby 'forest'. And many streams have formed on that 'lonely road'. Its really a pleasure to listen to the sound of flowing water. Rain is in its full strength. But its very cold. Bitterly cold. And how will it be if you don't have an umbrella with you?

I had forgotten to get my umbrella from my father and was left umbrellaless. I was dependent on my junior, she gave me her umbrella for two days. Thanks to their viva voce, she was in hostel for the last 2 days. But their course ended today and I had to come home. So I returned her umbrella and hoped to get home before much rain.

I started from dept at about 3.30pm, it was really cloudy, but I hoped to reach the bus stop before it rained. I had just covered only abt 1/8th the distance to the bus stop, that it began to rain. With my luggage, I couldn't run. So I got caught in the rain.I sought help of two unknown girls. I tried to phone and get an auto, but he didn't reply.So, the only way was to return. I walked back and sought shelter under the milma booth on the way. The cotton churidar and that too with a horrible chudi bottom was fully drenched; I was wet from head to foot! Refreshing myself with a half coffee, I waited. Luckily I got a return trip auto. I asked the auto driver whether an umbrella would be available at any shop near the bus stop. He wasn't sure. So I asked him to take me to my usual book shop. I went to the shop, bought my usual weeklies and enquired abt an umbrella selling shop. She named the textile shop nearby and I went there and bought a 2 fold umbrella, for it was cheaper. :) And that too after getting that much wet! :)

I got in a bus and went to the KSRTC station, mounted an ordinary bus, and got window seat on the left, at the rear of the bus. It was leaking from above! Hmmm.I was already wet for about 45min, so I decided to endure it for another 45min. I was expecting to feel extremely cold, but I still don't understand why i didn't feel too cold. Was it because,of my being already drenched or due to the shut windows. Anyway I alighted at my stop, walked and reached home.My luggage bag which contained clothes had become heavy after getting wet in the rain! :)

On my way I really wished to call dad and ask him to be ready with some hot water, so that I could take a bath as soon as I reached home. But I couldn't. Thanks to dad, he had it ready, and I took a bath as soon as I could, after reaching home.The cold tap water didn't seem very cold after my rain experience. :) But still I usedthe hot water also for a warm up.

He gave me many things to eat and a good tea. Then mom came back from office. It was abt 7pm. I sat down to watch TV and requested mom to make some chapati for me. Before that I got out my old socks with her help and wore my sweater and socks. :)

Now I do look like a forgiener, though its not the snow but the rain which is making me cold. I don't know whether I'll catch cold, but the drenching and tolerating it for almost 2 hours was very unlikely of me. I'm surprised about myself. :) Anyway it was not so bad, though it was a bit difficult. :)

PURPOSE OF A BLOG :-x

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


I'm very very unhappy. Why on blog am I writing this blog? Dear readers please read the blog and please post comments on it. Atleast read! I've started this blog to share my thoughts with you. If you don't read, how is it going to serve the purpose?

BHASKAR--->BHARTI

Anybody who watches Sony TV knows the theme of this 9 pm serial. Though I watch it only at times, I could gather some ideas about the serial. It is basically about a young man called Bhaskar who turned on fine morning into a young woman; Bharti. It is his punishment for cheating so many girls and his misbehaviour towards them. An unknown KK always turns up in front of Bhaskar in different places, sometimes as a milkman, sometimes as petrol pump worker or something else. Only the characters in the serial don't know who it. Its is Krishna. KK might be the acronym for Krishna Kanhayya. :) For more details, please watch the serial.
Though it is pure fiction and is a comedy based serial, it deals with a very important problem. The marginalization of women. KK once says to a pleading Bhaaskar, "Jis dard ko lekar tum marna chaahte ho, har aurat usi dard ko leke jeeti hai".

The marginalization of women starts right from the family where, men are the heads of family. Even the well educated girl child of a good family has to face this problem. Sometimes as instructions put forward by their grandmothers or mothers as to be extra decent and men fearing! Girls are brought up like that. They must obey every stupid thing others say. Only then can all use them as their servants! (Yes! Servants who wear gold ornaments and silk clothes and who can't even step out their doors to see the sky!) As I write this, an urge to smash everything is rising in me. The urge to destroy everything and everyone who is creating this barrier. I can't sing aloud, meet my friends, talk to them, walk alone, or wear a jeans ( whereas I must wear a saree; that dress which is held by the strength of a few pins and which when worn not properly can display every critical part of the female body, always subjected to staring), or talk boldly!

Wow! I'm supposed to wear sindoor for the long life of my husband, how many husbands wear sindoor for their wives? A medium intelligence boy is hailed by all. He cannot wash his under garments by himself, but his mother, or some other female should do it! Nobody will do it for a girl even if she is ill. And she is not supposed to pray, wear the vibhooti or go near the poojaghar when she's having periods! But she must go to kitchen and cook for all, or do all the household work even if she's having severe abdominal pain! Again wow!
Even if she drives carefully, she has to hear bad words from the so called 'perfectly smart' ruthless male drivers, who will overtake any vehicle to show off themselves. Ha! Wonderful.

A female writer is unbearable while she's alive. She's a slut if she writes about sex or love or abuse. A male writer can describe any horrid thing in his stories and be a pure! He might be the masculine version of a slut; but since he's a male, he is respected! A female writer has to die to be accepted. When she dies, she's celebrated! Wow!

How many stories have you read with a female super hero in it? Harry Potter is a boy, though the person who wrote his story is a female. Would the series have been so successful had she made Hermione the main character? Women can have only one role to be complete! A mother's role! What about a mother who loves only her own children and not all children alike? Is she complete? Wow! Can't she be complete when she loves somebody like a friend or a lover? Can't she be complete when she finds satisfaction in her job? Can't she be complete in herself? What about a woman who restricts herself or lets others restrict herself and cut off her wings, and in turn becomes the same to create misery to some other female?Wow!

The greatest enemy of a woman is another woman who has kneeled before the society to lose her character. She is useless and poisonous trying to spread the poison to everyone who are near her. Its not a good thing to obey others unnecessarily, be it a stranger or ur dear ones, male or female. Why can't the girls fight this? A clear mind is needed for it. Parents of female children please remember, they are not commodities born to be married off. Please don't let your daughters subject to a 'legal rape' ( for marriage is no vegitative, and if the girls are married off against their will and have to undergo a sexual relationship, it definitely is a rape).

Its not fair to let a girl study and acquire knowledge upto a level, and not to let her study further. You are actually torturing a girl in the name of marriage, merely on the basis of some stupid astrologer's prediction. Its illegal.
There are many more things to write. One last word for the sweet couple who think they are deeply in love with each other. If the boys think that your girl friends are merely ur own, u r wrong and are very likely to be ditched. If the girls think that ur merely made to love ur stupid boy friends and for nothing else, ur life is gone. So be self reliant before you "fall" in love! And boys respect ur girls with whole heart.


Disclaimer: The following is only meant for those men and women who think bad about women. It is strictly not for any good person, male or female. :)

PS:A word to all those men who think they are very high above women, that you can use them any way you want to. They are not anybody's satisfying machine. Nor are they excellently curved baeutiful statues to be stared or abused. They are more complex than you. And their life is far far more difficult than any of your's. U'll know it only if you become a Bharhi from a Bhaskar!

Me.

My only fault is that I'm born with a womb.
I should give birth to physical children;
But not my intellectual ones.
I should satisfy all but me.
I should bear everything, without questioning,
If I respond, I'll be deemed bad.
I need permissions to move, dress, think and express.
I'm being imprisoned;
In the name of being protected.
I shouldn't complain against injustice;
'coz if I do I'm bad.
To be certified as "good"
I should be calm, quiet, and understanding
I should pray regularly, cook well and shouldn't revolt.
But what with my dreams and aspirations,
Which you crush so cruelly and leave me dry,
To pretend to be happy and good?
A volcano about to explode is in my mind.
When it explodes, no one will remain.