Friday, January 23, 2015

Empty

The heart has gone empty,
Robbed of words,
Feelings no longer exist,
I only feel pain.

What has befallen me I wonder,
Why this again?
I don't want this, 
For I don't have the strength.

Could my heart be empty if I still feel the pain?
I don't know the answer, 
All I know is that I don't know anything anymore.

Where are the answers I seek;
Deep down in my heart, 
But how can an empty heart give an answer?
Or is the empty heart the answer?

I keep going, the heart empty still,
Which I don't hope to refill;
Seems like the engulfing loneliness 
Has become my companion.

Amidst all the laughter I force,
I seek it, long for it;
Revel when I find it;
Ofcourse it was forced upon me;
By those who did't want me;
But with time I have come to like it,
As the only true companion I have.

My emptiness, loneliness, silence...
I don't know what to do with them.
Lessons have been learned;
But always painful;
Always the same;
The realization that the world doesn't want me,
Makes me wonder if I want the world at all.
If it was always me and me alone, 
Why would I want the world?
I don't have the answer.

Is it emptiness or darkness?
I was forbidden the light.
So like the poet said once,
I have come to terms with the darkness.
I don't know if I will ever like the light,
Or prefer the darkness, given an option.

I don't know if I will like the laughter 
Or the tears in my eyes better, 
Given a chance to laugh again.
I don't know if I like to be tender,
Or callous, to everything;
Whether I will like colours or monochrome,
Sounds or silence or that lonliness or companionship;
Given an option; only I don't have an option.
Do I wish I had one? I don't know. 

Sometimes paths bifurcate, 
Leaving options to choose one;
Sometimes there are no paths at all,
What should one do then? 
Make a path or just retreat?
I don't even know where those paths will lead to.

Is this ignorance part of the emptiness?
The empty heart is better probably,
No relations to bother about, 
No hills to cross, no tunnels to be made.
No reasons to cry, no reasons to laugh.
Just icy cold emptiness, no music, 
No tune, all but silence.
I want to hide in that shell of mine
And block everything out.
Make the world dark and keep silence.
For I have forgotten how to laugh,
How to talk and how to be happy,
All I know is to be empty, 
Empty and alone in the dark......





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